CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS THE ZAMBIAN WAY

A few years ago on Christmas eve, I was in Ndola town doing some last minute shopping when I saw something that made me go deep in thoughts.

The town was crowded with excited shoppers moving around with huge parcels clutched in their arms. Christmas carols were played and bright lights blinking invitingly in every shop . It seemed like everyone had a lot of money to spend until I saw this woman on the street.

The woman was simply dressed in a cheap chitenge wrap-around and headgear. On her feet she wore a pair of worn out slippers and she was holding a black plastic bag in her hands, with words “Have a Nice Day” printed in grey or silver. I could tell right away that she was a poor person.

As I watched her, she  walked up to a street vendor who was selling balloons and fireworks and asked how much the balloons cost. She bought two balloons and wrapped them carefully in the corner of her chitenge and briskly walked away.

I knew those balloons were for her children or child. I had no doubt in my mind that the balloons were probably the only things she could afford to buy for her children. She wanted to make her kids have a piece of the Christmas feeling despite not having a lot of money to buy expensive things for the family.

In Zambia, Christmas time is a period when you should not be broke. During this time everyone wants to do something special for the family or for themselves. People spend excessively with others even landing themselves in heavy debts afterwards. It is like every household wants to outdo the other.

Many Zambians do not buy Christmas presents for each other and very few even send Christmas cards. When I was a small boy, Christmas was a time that every child looked forward to because it meant new toys and new clothes. There was a popular song that used to play on radio with the lyrics “Tell your mother, Happy Christmas, Tell your mother Happy New Year”. This was a morale boosting song which every child liked.

Families bought crates of soft drinks, chicken and rice. Chicken and rice is like the traditional Christmas meal for many Zambians just like Turkey is for the British. Christmas period is a time that a lot of chicken are slaughtered or bought. A lot of beer is bought including a lot of soft drinks like Coca Cola, Fanta and Sprite for the kids and those who do not drink beer.

With the current low rate of employment, a few things have changed. Many people do not get so excited about Christmas. Many households do not have a budget for partying on Christmas day. Others would rather reserve the little money that they have for the school fees and uniforms. Many people worry about January they have even nicknamed it  “Jan-worry”.

In December many workers get paid earlier than the other months. People who are normally paid at the end of the month are paid as early as 15th or 20th December. This results in having a huge gap before the next month end of January. This is slightly cushioned by the bonus that they may get but not every one gets a good bonus.

Although many people would like not to spend a lot during the festive period because of the challenges of January, they are forced to do so because it seems like everyone is doing it. On top of that the atmosphere everywhere you go, in the shops, at the market and the bar, is full of celebration. 

Even if you try to avoid these places and decide to just stay at home, chances are that one or two of your neighbours will be throwing a party and playing loud music. Your kids will start wondering why everyone is having a good time and not them. This will definitely make every parent sad. This could be the same reason why the woman at the beginning of this article bought those two balloons for her kids.

There are two ways in which Christmas is celebrated in Zambia. Many Christians believe it is a day when Jesus Christ was born and they spend most of their time at Church. Then there is also those who believe that Christmas day is a day when people must party.

The second lot may start drinking beer on Christmas eve as early as 14:00 hours and go on throughout the night. It is very common to see very drunk people on Christmas day as early as 06:00 hours. Many people do not go home. They continue drinking until late afternoon on Christmas day or when they run out of money.

Thieves enjoy this festive period. Many people lose their items like phones, car stereos, wallets and even house property through theft. A lot of road traffic accidents happen in the night due to driving under the influence of alcohol. People are mugged while other end up in fights.

There were incidents when bandits stormed churches at night and robbed members of the congregation of their valuables. This has resulted in many churches who prayed throughout the night to stop the trend. Many churches now pray up to midnight or 23:00 hours. Christmas eve is a time when the wise just stay home and wait for the following day if they have to party.

Most of time when the New Year comes, many people are broke. Only a few celebrate New Year with zeal. New Year’s eve is my favourite time.  I enjoy the count down, the fireworks and  sprinkling people with my beer. I celebrate more on New Year’s eve because it gives me a reason to celebrate.  I know I have reached another brand new year.

After the festive season now comes “Jan-worry”. The month that everyone dreaded. School results are out and those who have qualified to another school need new uniforms, books and school fees must be paid before they are accepted. Many ordinary Zambians do not have fat bank accounts because the low salaries. Regrets for spending money recklessly last December start pouring in.

After the shop owners and bar owners have had their share of the loot during the festive season, it is now the turn of money lenders, locally known as “Shylocks”, to have their share too. People have no option but to start borrowing money to solve their financial problems caused by overzealous spending. These “Shylocks” demand 50% interest on the money they lend out and it may take up to March for people to fully recover from this financial malaise. This is repeated every year.

Image By Naito8 freedigitalphotos.net

MATERIAL GIRLS

On November 30, 1984, the American singer Madonna released the song  “Material Girl’ from her second album “Like a Virgin”. The lyrics of the song identifies with materialism associated with women. Even the video of the song was a mimicry of Marilyn Monroe’s performance of the song “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend”.

Madonna is reported to have remarked that she regrets recording the song “Material Girl” because the name became a pseudonym for her in the main stream media. The song has been labeled an empowering influence for women and it became a subject of debate. 

After listening to the lyrics of this song, it becomes clear why the song could have raised some debates. 

“...if they don’t give me proper credit, I just walk away.
They can beg and they can plead
but they can’t see the light, that’s right
‘cause the boy with the cold hard cash
is always Mister Right, cause we are 
living in a material word
And I am a material girl...”

There is a whole lot of truth in the song. Everyday we all strive to do some work to help us get some food, clothes or anything that we may need to use in our daily lives. We are truly living in a material world and we need material things to survive or entertain ourselves. 

A number of female musicians have sung songs similar to Madonna's song. The American soul diva Gwen Guthrie’s “Ain’t Nothing Going On But The Rent” was released in 1986  and it became her biggest hit. The line “No romance without finance. You gotta have a J.O.B if you wanna be with me” became a very famous catchphrase among many women in the late 1980s and early 1990s. The reason was simple. The song said exactly what every woman was thinking but did not have the courage to say it. 

In 1999, the group Destiny’s Child, comprising Beyonce Knowles, LeToya Luckett, LaTavia Roberson and Kelly Rowland, released a song “Bills, Bills, Bills”. The song was a success and it provided the group their first chart topper. 

“At first we started out real cool
Taking me places I ain’t never been
But now, you’re getting comfortable
Ain’t doing those things you did no more
You’re slowly making me pay for things
Your money should be handling ...

Can you pay my bills?
Can you pay my telephone bills?
Do you pay my automo’ bills?
If you did maybe we could chill
I don’t think you do
So, you and me are through”

Like the other two songs, "Bills, Bills, Bills" also talked about not going into a relationship where the man can not afford to pay or buy anything on behalf of the woman. 

Although the lyrics from these famous songs could have provided women with catchphrases, I am sure the same lyrics could have been intimidating to a lot of  men. When these songs came out, I was young and they never really got to me. I was not in a relationship and I was not even planning to have one. All I did was listen and sing  along. But now, like any other mature male, I can relate to them.

It is only now that I have come to realise how accurate those lyrics were. Women have always looked for a men who can provide them with some kind of security. This has been the norm for ages and ages and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that because men also enjoy spoiling women by giving them gifts and taking them to place they have not been before. The only problem we have now is that some women have taken this gone out of hand. 

These women go into relationships purely to gain wealth.  It would be great to be in a relationship where you have every material thing that you wanted and on top of that you also have lots of love. But this new breed of women are excessively concerned with physical comforts or the acquisition of wealth and material possessions, rather than with spiritual, intellectual or cultural values. 

Some women may be even be employed and they get a salary of their own at the end of the month but they do not even bother to share the house-keeping expenses with the husband because they believe that it is purely a man’s responsibility to take care of such things. When such a woman gets paid, she spends her money on shoes, cosmetics and her own clothes only. 

Others have made a vow that they will only date someone that has a great job and drives an expensive car. These women’s top priority is money. Relationship is second. This is the type of woman who will even date married men as long as he can give her a lot of money. 

In our modern world, there is a lot of pressure on women, especially those who do not have a steady source of income. A woman must look great. Her hair must be well done and her clothes must be clean and fashionable. Therefore it is understandable that if a woman can not afford to make herself look presentable, it would be right to find a man who can assist her. It makes perfect sense that such a woman must look for a man who is bale to provide her with all the necessities that she requires.

Materialism is a huge part of our modern living. Everyone is materialistic to a certain extent but why does most of society think there are more women who are materialistic than men? The answer is simply because  there are a lot of women who go overboard. Another reason is that more women put material things first before love. 

The most common name used for such women in Zambia is 'Gold Digger'. Many women hate this name because it puts them on the spot. A gold digger is a woman whose prime interest in a relationship is material benefits. A woman who cares more about a man's bank account than she does about the man.

Gold diggers do not stay in a marriage when a man becomes broke. He may have been doing everything for her but the moment the money finishes due to some unforeseen circumstances, she will run away just like the line from the song "Bills, Bills, Bill" which says "So, you and me are through”.

Gold diggers do not even like a man who buys them cheap presents or men who bring flowers on special occasions instead of an expensive neck chain. Some women will be elated when you write them a sweet poem but a gold digger will hate you for that. Poems and cards mean nothing to her. 

One thing worth remembering is that men are naturally providers. A man will give a woman what he thinks she is worth. 


Image courtesy of stockimages, freedigitalphotos.net

ARE WE ALL COWARDLY NEIGHBOURS?

Normally, when you hear a person calling out for help, your immediate reaction is to help that person.

Last night around 22:00 hours when I was watching TV, I was distracted by some noise coming from my neighbors house. There was banging on the wall and the clutter of items falling on the floor. I turned down the volume on the TV and heard  a woman crying out for help. I could also hear a man's angry voice. My neighbor was drunk and he was beating his wife again. 

This is not the first time this couple was  fighting. I have heard them fighting on not less than 4 occasions. I listened to the angry outbursts for a few minutes and then turned on the volume on my T.V. set  and continued watching Cheaters.  

I know some of you may have expected me to open the door and go out to stop the fight. No. I can not do that. You ask why? The reason is simple. I simply do not have the guts to go out and intrude in someone's domestic issues and I know I am not the only one. 

I don't know exactly why it is so hard for me to just gather my wits and go out, knock on that door and try out my peace keeping skills. Many of you may have found yourselves in this awkward situation before, with all your senses and muscles ignoring to do the most sensible thing at that particular time, which is to intervene before someone is hurt. 

I have noticed that fights involving the wife and husband usually go unstopped by the neighbors. The only time such fights are stopped is when one of them runs outside the house into the street. That is when a lot of people would come out and stop the fight because they assume the street is a no man's land. 

It is very rare that you will see anyone go to a neighbor's house to stop a domestic dispute going on inside the house. I know it is wrong but it is like none of us have the guts to do that. It is almost like two countries. If there is a civil war in a neighboring country, do not expect it;s neighbors to rush in to stop the killings immediately. 

I once asked a group of friends why it was so hard for many of us to intervene in domestic fights involving our neighbors and I got very diverse answers.  One person gave a very interesting reason. He said the reason why he cannot go at a neighbor's house to stop him from beating his wife was because the man may accuse him of having an affair with his wife.

As we burst out laughing at what we thought was a ridiculous answer, the man told us that he was serious. He even went ahead and gave us an example of a man who went to stop a similar fight and was hacked with a machete in the shoulder by the man's wife who even accused him of trespassing. 

Someone also said some women enjoy being beaten by their husbands. Going in to stop the husband from beating her would be an interruption of an intimate session. He explained that there are some African women who believe that if a man does not beat you or scold you when you make a mistake, then that man does not love you. Although this seems hilarious, I know there are lots of other people who believe that beating your wife is a sign of love. 

At one point it was reported that some men in Kenya were up in arms at the proposed Protection Against Domestic Violence Bill because parts of the bill infringe on Kenyan culture which allows a man to beat his wife. That could be a topic for another day.

My concern right now is why do we fail to intervene in domestic violence involving a husband and wife? With an estimation that of all women killed in 2012, almost half were killed by intimate partners or family members, it is time we seriously thought about correcting this cowardly trend. 

When you see a thief entering a neighbor's house whilst he is away, it is your responsibility to raise an alarm or apprehend him. If you just sit there and listen to the breaking windows and then watch as the thief hauls away some goods, I am sure you will make headlines as the most heartless neighbor. 

However, that is not the case with domestic violence. People do not even bother to go and check on their neighbor in the morning to see if they are still alive. We all know that marriage is a private matter. We are not allowed to know whatever is going on in every marriage because it is a matter between two consenting adults but when it comes to violence, someone must intervene. 

There have been incidents where a neighbor comes to know of a secret affair of the neighbor's wife or husband. In most cases, like with domestic violence, the neighbor will not say anything. He or she will continue as if nothing is wrong. Most of the time even the guilty party is not worried because he knows that you do not have the guts to go and tell his wife that you saw him with another woman. 

After the wife finds out on her own that her husband is cheating, that is when people will start coming out saying "I used to see them too", "I knew he was having an affair long time ago. I was just scared of telling you." 

The truth is while you were holding on to that vital information, your neighbor got infected with a sexually transmitted disease. If you had told her in time, she would have taken some action and put a stop to the affair. Many people have been infected with deadly diseases because we did not intervene in time. 

However, I can not entirely put the blame on people who hold on from snitching on their neighbor's infidelity. Like in the case of the neighbor who is reluctant to stop a domestic fight, even the neighbors who spot his neighbor's spouse having an affair have their own excuses why they stayed quite. 

Most of the time it is either they did not want to be involved in court cases or they simply feared that they do not have enough evidence. There have also been circumstances where a person reports such infidelity to the wife of the neighbor and instead of being appreciated, the wife goes and tells the husband " Our neighbor thinks you are having an affair. Is it true?" 

When the man denies having an affair, the wife will not push him further. She will will turn her wrath on the neighbor and accuse her of being a home wrecker bringing false accusations about her husband. I have see this happen with my own eyes. 

Sometimes one may go with information to give to the neighbor about how they saw her husband kissing someone and how they think the two may be having an affair. As soon as they finish telling her, she curtly says she already knows all the details but does not just want to spend time dealing with a stupid husband.   

Last week on Sunday morning I went to buy a newspaper. As I was going back home, I saw a small crowd and decided to see what was going on. A woman was slapping a man  around and pulling him in all directions. The man was drunk and he had a bottle of Mosi Lager in his hand. He may have been drinking the whole night. As the crowd grew, the man lost his temper and swung the beer bottle at the woman,  missing her head by a whisker. The bottler shattered on the ground. 

When I asked why no one was stopping this fight, one woman replied "She is fighting with the husband."

And so there we stood watching the couple as they beat each other for almost 5 minutes until a brave woman came in and intervened. She pulled the woman to one side and told her that she was far more respectable to be seen fighting with a drank husband in public. The wife complied and left the scene. 

I hope all of us could have enough courage to intervene in domestic issues like the way that brave woman did.

Image courtesy of  imagerymajestic freedigitalphotos.net