THE GREEN EYED MONSTER

“Jealousy is both reasonable and belongs to reasonable men, while envy is base, for one makes himself get good things by jealousy, while the other does not allow his neighbour to have them through envy.” So wrote Aristotle.

Robert A. Heinlein also wrote, “A competent and self confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”

Many people may agree with Robert A. Heinlein’s opinion and that could be the reason why so many books and articles have been written on how to handle jealousy. Jealousy is perhaps one of the most difficult emotions to control. It comes when you least expect it and it completely takes control of your reasoning. There is no man or woman in the world who can say that they have never been jealousy at any time.

Jealousy is the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great value. When someone is jealous, that person experiences other emotions such as anger, resentment, helplessness and disgust. In relationships, if jealousy is not well handled, it can pull apart the relationship and bring it down.

Shakespeare described jealousy as a green eyed monster. “O, beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is a green eyed monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on ...” (Iago, Act 3 scene III).

But is jealousy really a green-eyed monster as depicted by Shakespeare or was Aristotle correct when he implied that jealousy is reasonable and can be used to get good things?  

Many people will agree that it is normal to feel jealousy in some situations. To some extent jealousy is an essential ingredient in a relationship but it must work hand in hand with trust. If there is no trust, the green eyed monster will completely take over and eventually cross the line. In most cases many people do not know where this line is and once in a while they will cross it and realise a little late that they went too far.

If you love your partner and you feel someone is threatening to take them from you, it is normal to feel possessive and jealousy. Sometimes your partner may have a history of cheating and you have a reason to open your eyes. But there are times when you may be wrong and after creating a scene, then you find out there was nothing going on after all. 

Trying to control jealousy is the same as trying to control hunger. You can not control hunger without taking in some food. You cannot control jealousy without being assured that everything is alright.

If your partner likes to flirt it is going to cause you to feel jealousy. So it is up to the other person to know how to behave so that she or him does not cause you to feel jealousy. 

Sometimes the flirting partner may not even see any danger in what they are doing. It could be just an innocent interaction left to cross the line because they have become too comfortable with your mildness. This may eventually lead to serious implications like fornication. If you had acted earlier even by just showing that you do not like what you're seeing, you could have prevented that from happening. I guess this is what Aristotle meant.

When you see that your partner's interaction is causing you some kind of discomfort, let her know your feelings before the green eyed monster comes out.  

The only bad thing about jealousy is that sometimes it causes you to loose your control and you just bulge in and shout "who is this you're talking to?" Usually there is always a good explanation and that may cause you to look like an idiot. It is natural to feel jealousy but don't just let it become violent. After all even God is a "jealousy God" according to the bible. 

Image courtesy of Victor Habbick / freedigitalphotos.net