LEGALISING UNDERAGE SEX?

"Mom, I am going out now." Sara calls out to her mother who is in the kitchen cutting some vegetables.

"Where are you going?" her mother asks with a little concern in her voice. 

"I told you on Tuesday that I have been invited to Joana's birthday party. It is on today and I am going with Mandy and Lisa." Sara says.

"Oh, I forgot about it. Just make sure that you come back before it is late." her mother says.

"I will mom. Bye." 

She walks out and closes the door behind her. There is a red car parked by the roadside waiting for her. Inside the car there are four other teenagers, two girls and two boys. One of the boys is in the driver's seat.

"Hi guys." Sara says as she sits in the back seat.

The boy in the driver's seat turns his head and smiles at her. 

"This must be Misheck the boy that Mandy has been talking about all the time suggesting that I should meet him." Sara guesses.

"Sarah, this is Misheck my cousin. He's going to drive us to the party and back home." Mandy says with a wink and confirming Sara's guess.

"Oh my gosh. This is going to be an interesting afternoon." Sara thinks. 

Suddenly she slaps her forehead and says "Oh. I've forgotten something. Just give me a minute." She gets out of the car and runs back to the house. 

"Mom." She calls out.

"What is it now?" her mom answers from the bedroom.

"Can you come out? I need something from you." Sara says. 

Her mother comes out of the bedroom and says, "If you're asking for some more money, I am sorry I can't give you."

"Mom. It's not that. I was just wondering if you have any condoms. I need some condoms."

The mother does not believe what she has just heard. Did she say candles?

"What did you say?" she asks her.

"Do you have any condoms?" Sara said.

Sara is a sixteen year old girl. She is beautiful and the only child in the family. She is smart and likes reading a lot of books and watching teen movies on the Disney Channel. 

"What?" her mother shouts leaning towards her. "Are you out of your mind? You are asking for condoms from me? Your mother? And when did you start using condoms anyway?"

Sarah is caught by surprise at her mother's angry reaction. 

"Mom, I have never used any condom before. I'm sorry that I have asked but I thought you've heard."

"Heard what?"

"Just a moment," Sara says as she goes into her bedroom. A moment later she comes out with her laptop and connects to the Internet. 

"What are you doing?" her mother asks.

"I want to show you something." Sara says. "I am really sorry if I offended you but I thought I was doing the right thing." 

The web page finishes loading and Sara hands over the laptop to her mother. On the screen, there is a page with a blue background and a heading that reads "First Lady seeks condom availability to Youths".

Sara's mother starts reading:

"First Lady Christine Kaseba has called on relevant authorities to make condoms and contraceptives available to adolescents and young people.

Dr Kaseba said adolescents and young people should have access to condoms and contraceptives.
She explained that her call to have condoms and contraceptives made available to young people and adolescents is not aimed at promoting promiscuity among young people.

Speaking in an interview yesterday, Dr Kaseba said there was no need to turn a blind eye to the fact that young people are sexually active, hence the need to avail them sexual reproductive rights.

Dr Kaseba said HIV and sexual reproductive health are inter-linked and HIV should be re-integrated into sexual reproductive health if countries are to achieve zero HIV infections.

She said there is need to look at the root cause of HIV, hence the need to look at it through sexual reproductive health and that although there has been a global decline in HIV infection, there is need to re-strategise.

She said introducing sexuality education in schools will help the youths to make informed decisions....."

Sara's mother does not finish reading the story because her hands are shaking uncontrollably and she drops the laptop on the floor.

In the evening Sara's mother explains to her husband about what happened. She complains that the government is failing to come up with better solutions to problems faced by the youth. 

Her husband responds by saying "That's not government but Dr Kaseba's opinion. You know what? Maybe we should just leave this country and move to Uruguay."

"Uruguay? Because they have legalised marijuana? No no no no. You can't be serious. I thought you stopped smoking that stuff many years ago?" Sara's mother says.


Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee, freedigitalphotos.net

THE GREEN EYED MONSTER

“Jealousy is both reasonable and belongs to reasonable men, while envy is base, for one makes himself get good things by jealousy, while the other does not allow his neighbour to have them through envy.” So wrote Aristotle.

Robert A. Heinlein also wrote, “A competent and self confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”

Many people may agree with Robert A. Heinlein’s opinion and that could be the reason why so many books and articles have been written on how to handle jealousy. Jealousy is perhaps one of the most difficult emotions to control. It comes when you least expect it and it completely takes control of your reasoning. There is no man or woman in the world who can say that they have never been jealousy at any time.

Jealousy is the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great value. When someone is jealous, that person experiences other emotions such as anger, resentment, helplessness and disgust. In relationships, if jealousy is not well handled, it can pull apart the relationship and bring it down.

Shakespeare described jealousy as a green eyed monster. “O, beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is a green eyed monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on ...” (Iago, Act 3 scene III).

But is jealousy really a green-eyed monster as depicted by Shakespeare or was Aristotle correct when he implied that jealousy is reasonable and can be used to get good things?  

Many people will agree that it is normal to feel jealousy in some situations. To some extent jealousy is an essential ingredient in a relationship but it must work hand in hand with trust. If there is no trust, the green eyed monster will completely take over and eventually cross the line. In most cases many people do not know where this line is and once in a while they will cross it and realise a little late that they went too far.

If you love your partner and you feel someone is threatening to take them from you, it is normal to feel possessive and jealousy. Sometimes your partner may have a history of cheating and you have a reason to open your eyes. But there are times when you may be wrong and after creating a scene, then you find out there was nothing going on after all. 

Trying to control jealousy is the same as trying to control hunger. You can not control hunger without taking in some food. You cannot control jealousy without being assured that everything is alright.

If your partner likes to flirt it is going to cause you to feel jealousy. So it is up to the other person to know how to behave so that she or him does not cause you to feel jealousy. 

Sometimes the flirting partner may not even see any danger in what they are doing. It could be just an innocent interaction left to cross the line because they have become too comfortable with your mildness. This may eventually lead to serious implications like fornication. If you had acted earlier even by just showing that you do not like what you're seeing, you could have prevented that from happening. I guess this is what Aristotle meant.

When you see that your partner's interaction is causing you some kind of discomfort, let her know your feelings before the green eyed monster comes out.  

The only bad thing about jealousy is that sometimes it causes you to loose your control and you just bulge in and shout "who is this you're talking to?" Usually there is always a good explanation and that may cause you to look like an idiot. It is natural to feel jealousy but don't just let it become violent. After all even God is a "jealousy God" according to the bible. 

Image courtesy of Victor Habbick / freedigitalphotos.net

RICH PASTOR, POOR CONGREGATION

Summer time is here and the temperature is very high especially during day time. Last Friday evening, I decided to take an evening walk around the neighbourhood to enjoy the cool evening breeze. 

As I passed an area which has a number of church buildings, my eyes fell on one huge unfinished structure. This structure has been like this for the past 3 or more years. Looking at this unfinished building, one can see that this was meant to be a very beautiful and an expensive church if it was fully completed. 

I started wondering what the problem was for the building project to stall like this for all these years. How can someone start a building and then fail to finish it? Did they run out of money? If that was the case then I would laugh at whoever was in charge of this for their bad planning. No one can embark on such a huge project when they know they had no money to complete the building.

This unfinished building was also going to be the biggest of all the structures lined up in this street. The other church buildings in this area were fully completed and I could see people inside attending evening service. Some of these buildings were new projects started less than 2 years years or a year and they have been successfully been completed.

It is not very strange in Zambia to see an unfinished church building. Most of them have been in a static state or they take years and years being built at a snail's pace. I have also seen many Churches finish their building projects in just a year. So what is the problem with these other churches that struggle to finish their projects? 

When a person wants to build a house, the first thing he must do is to organise some money. When the time for building comes, he has to look at a plan that will meet his financial strength. No man can start building a 4 bedroom house when he only has money to build a 2 bedroom house. 

I know you may think a church needs a bigger building because many people are expected to go inside that building. I agree with you but it is still unwise to start a project and have it stall because you have run out money. 

Some wise church leaders make plans for building small churches that will accommodate a good number of people. The first group will have its service in the morning at 8:00 hours and after 2 hours another group can go in, and a third group will go in after that. This helps to decongest the church and save the congregation from erecting very costly gigantic structures which risk being unfinished when the money stops coming.

When I posed the question to my friends why many church buildings stall after reaching a certain level, one of them said, "Because some crooked pastors take the money we put as offering to do the work. God cannot come and collect the money. God is ever rich and gave us everything that exists so where does the money go?"

This sounds a bit harsh but it may have an element of truth. Some pastors are not honest. The Post newspaper on Tuesday October 15 carried a news story headlined "Some pastors fear to lose big tithers, says Sichilongo". The article reported Kitwe's Pentecostal Holiness Church Reverend, Ospeck Sichilongo saying, "We have pastors who are fearing to talk about the sinful actvities of their members especially if such members are big tithers and offereing contributors." 

This reminds me of what my friend told me last year when he was invited to attend a church service by one of his neighbours. He was surprised that the pastor spent most of the time preaching about money and material blessings.  He said that at one point the pastor was telling the congregation that they should take good care of him and his family because he cannot be poor when the God he serves is a rich God. 

"My fellow Pastors are driving to church while I walk here every Sunday. Why should I walk when I serve a rich God? Why should I live like a beggar when I serve a rich God?"

The Pastor was telling this to poor members of his congregation who over 90% came to that morning's church service either walking or by using public transportation. This pastor uses a school classroom for his Sunday service. I can not avoid to think about what he would do with part of the money meant for building a church if that project was embarked on because already you can see that he wants to own a car. 

His request also brings out another question. Is it the responsibility of the congregation to buy things like cars, houses, pay his children's school fees and so on? There are different views on this matter. Some people believe a pastor should not get rich through the church but through his own hard work like everyone else. Others think there is nothing wrong with the pastor getting rich through his work because he earns it through preaching.

Many pastors today are accused of preaching what is called "Prosperity Gospel". Their sermons have very little to do with salvation but they are full of materialism or "blessings". It is all about money, money, money and wealth. Many pastors who preach about worldly prosperity have massive pay cheques and own many properties and businesses suspected to have been gained through the church.

Of course there are many pastor who have gained their wealth through their own sweat and hard work but there are many more who are taking advantage of their positions to gain wealth. 

The government of Botswana in May declared a pastor from one West Afrcan country a prohibited immigrant after his superiors from his country of origin told the Bostwana government that he was not remitting money to them as required. It is alleged that he was using this money for his personal gain and living a luxurious life. Why some pastors, who are the custodians of the word of God are so easily tempted is beyond imagination. 

Many people who have travelled by bus especially between Lusaka the Copperbelt have seen preachers getting on the bus at the station to preach to passengers sitting inside the bus waiting for the bus to load. While it is not bad to preach the gospel to travellers, it all becomes suspicious when at the end of the short sermon, these preachers start demanding for money or "offerings" from the passengers. Does this money get to the churches that these people belong to if at all they belong to any? Are they just cleverly asking to be paid for preaching? 

It is quite evident that the love of money has infected many pastors and this is what is leading to their downfall. When a person is so obsessed with money, he will not even see the small wrong things that he is doing for him to get that money. Many pastors are not employed or are paid little money which cannot fully sustain them in this hard economy where prices of commodities and services are rising daily. 

Other pastors are power hungry. When they see a fellow pastor doing very well, they will mistakenly think his wealth is coming from the church and they will push their members to the limit in making contributions. This is where some pastors will even bring in projects like building, selling of literature, DVDs and so on. And what would be the best way to get money through a building project than coming up with a proposal to buid a very big church which will take more than two years to finish? 

Unfortunately, after a few years when the buiding does not seem to be moving, the members of that church stop contributing as much as they used to in the building because they become suspicious. Maybe this is what leads to the building project coming to a standstill. 

These greedy pastors must remember that the bible itself does not encourage such people to be leaders in church. 1 Timothy 3:3 tells us that the qualities of a leader must be "not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money."

Image courtesy of stockimages, freedigtalphotos.net

MORE IMAGES FROM NDOLA

8 Ball Pool is a very popular game in the townships. Every Sunday
players from many Clubs play in tournaments like the one above.
These games are mostly played in pubs and are characterised with
a lot of shouting. It is a very different environment from the ones
that we watch on many televised games where the audience only
claps when a player pots. 

October 24 is Zambia's Independence day. After more than 40
years of Independence, many Zambians still remember this day
and they celebrate it in many ways. School children are allowed to
wear national colours on this day. This is probably for the sake of
reminding them to keep the heritage. 

Sunday afternoon, mothers with their children have some fun at
POTECO club. 

Zambia is a nation where many people like football. These
young boys are being drilled by their coach before playing a friendly
game with a visiting team. Many top Zambian players started
their careers in the same way.

This community does not have water taps installed at every house.
People have to get their water from this community tap where they
have to pay a small amount of money which is like a water bill.
However the amount is too little when compared to what people
who have installed taps pay at the end of the month. 

One of my favourite times in Ndola is when there is a big football
match involving the Zambia National Team. the whole city becomes
one huge carnival. In this picture, soccer fans can be seen drinking
and roasting some meat before going to watch the game. 

It is not always that you wake up to good news. These unfortunate
traders woke up to find that their stalls were burn in a fire at night.
Most of these traders sold charcoal, second hand clothes, food,
vegetables and various items.  

The COSAFA Football tournament was this year held in Zambia
and the final was played in Ndola at Levy Mwanawasa Sports
Stadium. Zambia and Zimbabwe played in the final and Zambia
beat Zimbabwe 2-0. Above, the two teams lining up for the
National Anthems of the two nations. Zambia is wearing Orange. 

Summer time adds its own beauty. This is my favourite tree and it 

is found in Dag Hammarskjold Drive. Unfortunately, the yellow

flowers only last for a few weeks before they fall down and then 

replaced by very green leaves. 

6:00 hrs. Another sunrise and an early motorist cruises for work.
Within a few minutes, this road will be crowded with school boys
and girls walking to school, men and women going for their
respective businesses and minibuses ferrying workers into town.

IT'S MY LIFE, I CAN DO ANYTHING WITH IT

                   

Many times we have heard people say "It's my life. I can do whatever I want with it". This is one of the most annoying responses. 

Who the hell doesn't know that it is your life? Yes it is your life but what you're doing with your life may just leave you without a life at all. When people try to correct you on something that they feel you are not doing right, they are not trying to take over your life and start running it on your behalf.

They just don't like seeing you doing what you you are doing with your life because they know what the consequences will be in the end. Everyone has a right to their bodies and they can do whatever they want with them but only a fool will want to harm himself.

Most of the times when people start getting concerned about what you are doing, it is because they like you. If they did not like you I am sure they would just sit back and enjoy the show to self destruction. Sometimes you may just be too dumb to see that what you're doing is useless or harmful and that you need a helping hand. 

Imagine that I have spotted a naked electric cable lying on the ground but when  I see you heading that way, I just watch without warning you. If you stepped on that cable and got injured or died, I am sure people would condemn me for being such a heartless person. If it was possible you might even rise from the dead to haunt me. 

The horn on the vehicle is not there for just making noise or annoying other motorists. Its main purpose is to warn the pedestrians or other road users to "look out" for any possible danger of being knocked down by a car. The mouth is there not just for kissing and eating. With it you can warn others and save their lives. You have probably done that many times before, even shouting "Watch out" to warn someone. Everyone has warned someone at one time even for small things like stepping on a toy.  

Then why do you think when someone is trying to warn you over your lifestyle then that person is trying to interfere with how you live your life? If you live with people, just know that whatever you do will affect them or it will have an impact on them too. 

Many teenagers feel that their parents are trying to run their life on their behalf or that their parents are so involved in their personal lives. They think that parents are just too strict even on simple issues. Yes, many parents are overprotective and it is because they love their children and not because they want to make their children's lives miserable. 

Parents tell their children what to do or how to do things correctly or even choose what type of friends to play with. Although this may feel like total control, remember that they are older and they have some wisdom which you my not have. They have seen and been through some of these things. 

Think about this. Your parents haven been buying and doing things to make you happy from the day that you were born. Do you think if they did not want you to be happy, they would have been doing all these things? So what makes you think that they are here to make your life miserable or hell on earth? 

Some parents can truly be overprotective without leaving you a chance to explore or experience certain things that other teenagers are doing. These parents may be wrong in a way. A baby bird can not learn how to fly if each time it tries to fly its mother would shout "Don't do that, you'll fall down and hurt yourself." 

When a child or a teenager does something wrong, a parent can understand and teach that child what to do next time. I just hate it when an adult is the one that keeps messing up. In the end these people end up looking like idiots when they fail to heed the advice they were given and in the end things go horrinly wrong for them. This is usually the best time to tell them "I told you so."

Many people are facing problems because they did not listen to advice from friends or family and instead chose to follow their own decisions because they thought it was the best solution. We all have moments of regret in our lives. The best we can do is to look back on a choice or decision that was unwisely made and learn from that.

The next time someone tries to give you advice, don't just say "It's my life, let me live it the way I want" because they already know that it is your life. That person may just save the same life that you are bragging about.    


Image courtesy of Teerapun /freedigitalphotos.net