LEGALISING UNDERAGE SEX?

"Mom, I am going out now." Sara calls out to her mother who is in the kitchen cutting some vegetables.

"Where are you going?" her mother asks with a little concern in her voice. 

"I told you on Tuesday that I have been invited to Joana's birthday party. It is on today and I am going with Mandy and Lisa." Sara says.

"Oh, I forgot about it. Just make sure that you come back before it is late." her mother says.

"I will mom. Bye." 

She walks out and closes the door behind her. There is a red car parked by the roadside waiting for her. Inside the car there are four other teenagers, two girls and two boys. One of the boys is in the driver's seat.

"Hi guys." Sara says as she sits in the back seat.

The boy in the driver's seat turns his head and smiles at her. 

"This must be Misheck the boy that Mandy has been talking about all the time suggesting that I should meet him." Sara guesses.

"Sarah, this is Misheck my cousin. He's going to drive us to the party and back home." Mandy says with a wink and confirming Sara's guess.

"Oh my gosh. This is going to be an interesting afternoon." Sara thinks. 

Suddenly she slaps her forehead and says "Oh. I've forgotten something. Just give me a minute." She gets out of the car and runs back to the house. 

"Mom." She calls out.

"What is it now?" her mom answers from the bedroom.

"Can you come out? I need something from you." Sara says. 

Her mother comes out of the bedroom and says, "If you're asking for some more money, I am sorry I can't give you."

"Mom. It's not that. I was just wondering if you have any condoms. I need some condoms."

The mother does not believe what she has just heard. Did she say candles?

"What did you say?" she asks her.

"Do you have any condoms?" Sara said.

Sara is a sixteen year old girl. She is beautiful and the only child in the family. She is smart and likes reading a lot of books and watching teen movies on the Disney Channel. 

"What?" her mother shouts leaning towards her. "Are you out of your mind? You are asking for condoms from me? Your mother? And when did you start using condoms anyway?"

Sarah is caught by surprise at her mother's angry reaction. 

"Mom, I have never used any condom before. I'm sorry that I have asked but I thought you've heard."

"Heard what?"

"Just a moment," Sara says as she goes into her bedroom. A moment later she comes out with her laptop and connects to the Internet. 

"What are you doing?" her mother asks.

"I want to show you something." Sara says. "I am really sorry if I offended you but I thought I was doing the right thing." 

The web page finishes loading and Sara hands over the laptop to her mother. On the screen, there is a page with a blue background and a heading that reads "First Lady seeks condom availability to Youths".

Sara's mother starts reading:

"First Lady Christine Kaseba has called on relevant authorities to make condoms and contraceptives available to adolescents and young people.

Dr Kaseba said adolescents and young people should have access to condoms and contraceptives.
She explained that her call to have condoms and contraceptives made available to young people and adolescents is not aimed at promoting promiscuity among young people.

Speaking in an interview yesterday, Dr Kaseba said there was no need to turn a blind eye to the fact that young people are sexually active, hence the need to avail them sexual reproductive rights.

Dr Kaseba said HIV and sexual reproductive health are inter-linked and HIV should be re-integrated into sexual reproductive health if countries are to achieve zero HIV infections.

She said there is need to look at the root cause of HIV, hence the need to look at it through sexual reproductive health and that although there has been a global decline in HIV infection, there is need to re-strategise.

She said introducing sexuality education in schools will help the youths to make informed decisions....."

Sara's mother does not finish reading the story because her hands are shaking uncontrollably and she drops the laptop on the floor.

In the evening Sara's mother explains to her husband about what happened. She complains that the government is failing to come up with better solutions to problems faced by the youth. 

Her husband responds by saying "That's not government but Dr Kaseba's opinion. You know what? Maybe we should just leave this country and move to Uruguay."

"Uruguay? Because they have legalised marijuana? No no no no. You can't be serious. I thought you stopped smoking that stuff many years ago?" Sara's mother says.


Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee, freedigitalphotos.net

THE GREEN EYED MONSTER

“Jealousy is both reasonable and belongs to reasonable men, while envy is base, for one makes himself get good things by jealousy, while the other does not allow his neighbour to have them through envy.” So wrote Aristotle.

Robert A. Heinlein also wrote, “A competent and self confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”

Many people may agree with Robert A. Heinlein’s opinion and that could be the reason why so many books and articles have been written on how to handle jealousy. Jealousy is perhaps one of the most difficult emotions to control. It comes when you least expect it and it completely takes control of your reasoning. There is no man or woman in the world who can say that they have never been jealousy at any time.

Jealousy is the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great value. When someone is jealous, that person experiences other emotions such as anger, resentment, helplessness and disgust. In relationships, if jealousy is not well handled, it can pull apart the relationship and bring it down.

Shakespeare described jealousy as a green eyed monster. “O, beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is a green eyed monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on ...” (Iago, Act 3 scene III).

But is jealousy really a green-eyed monster as depicted by Shakespeare or was Aristotle correct when he implied that jealousy is reasonable and can be used to get good things?  

Many people will agree that it is normal to feel jealousy in some situations. To some extent jealousy is an essential ingredient in a relationship but it must work hand in hand with trust. If there is no trust, the green eyed monster will completely take over and eventually cross the line. In most cases many people do not know where this line is and once in a while they will cross it and realise a little late that they went too far.

If you love your partner and you feel someone is threatening to take them from you, it is normal to feel possessive and jealousy. Sometimes your partner may have a history of cheating and you have a reason to open your eyes. But there are times when you may be wrong and after creating a scene, then you find out there was nothing going on after all. 

Trying to control jealousy is the same as trying to control hunger. You can not control hunger without taking in some food. You cannot control jealousy without being assured that everything is alright.

If your partner likes to flirt it is going to cause you to feel jealousy. So it is up to the other person to know how to behave so that she or him does not cause you to feel jealousy. 

Sometimes the flirting partner may not even see any danger in what they are doing. It could be just an innocent interaction left to cross the line because they have become too comfortable with your mildness. This may eventually lead to serious implications like fornication. If you had acted earlier even by just showing that you do not like what you're seeing, you could have prevented that from happening. I guess this is what Aristotle meant.

When you see that your partner's interaction is causing you some kind of discomfort, let her know your feelings before the green eyed monster comes out.  

The only bad thing about jealousy is that sometimes it causes you to loose your control and you just bulge in and shout "who is this you're talking to?" Usually there is always a good explanation and that may cause you to look like an idiot. It is natural to feel jealousy but don't just let it become violent. After all even God is a "jealousy God" according to the bible. 

Image courtesy of Victor Habbick / freedigitalphotos.net

RICH PASTOR, POOR CONGREGATION

Summer time is here and the temperature is very high especially during day time. Last Friday evening, I decided to take an evening walk around the neighbourhood to enjoy the cool evening breeze. 

As I passed an area which has a number of church buildings, my eyes fell on one huge unfinished structure. This structure has been like this for the past 3 or more years. Looking at this unfinished building, one can see that this was meant to be a very beautiful and an expensive church if it was fully completed. 

I started wondering what the problem was for the building project to stall like this for all these years. How can someone start a building and then fail to finish it? Did they run out of money? If that was the case then I would laugh at whoever was in charge of this for their bad planning. No one can embark on such a huge project when they know they had no money to complete the building.

This unfinished building was also going to be the biggest of all the structures lined up in this street. The other church buildings in this area were fully completed and I could see people inside attending evening service. Some of these buildings were new projects started less than 2 years years or a year and they have been successfully been completed.

It is not very strange in Zambia to see an unfinished church building. Most of them have been in a static state or they take years and years being built at a snail's pace. I have also seen many Churches finish their building projects in just a year. So what is the problem with these other churches that struggle to finish their projects? 

When a person wants to build a house, the first thing he must do is to organise some money. When the time for building comes, he has to look at a plan that will meet his financial strength. No man can start building a 4 bedroom house when he only has money to build a 2 bedroom house. 

I know you may think a church needs a bigger building because many people are expected to go inside that building. I agree with you but it is still unwise to start a project and have it stall because you have run out money. 

Some wise church leaders make plans for building small churches that will accommodate a good number of people. The first group will have its service in the morning at 8:00 hours and after 2 hours another group can go in, and a third group will go in after that. This helps to decongest the church and save the congregation from erecting very costly gigantic structures which risk being unfinished when the money stops coming.

When I posed the question to my friends why many church buildings stall after reaching a certain level, one of them said, "Because some crooked pastors take the money we put as offering to do the work. God cannot come and collect the money. God is ever rich and gave us everything that exists so where does the money go?"

This sounds a bit harsh but it may have an element of truth. Some pastors are not honest. The Post newspaper on Tuesday October 15 carried a news story headlined "Some pastors fear to lose big tithers, says Sichilongo". The article reported Kitwe's Pentecostal Holiness Church Reverend, Ospeck Sichilongo saying, "We have pastors who are fearing to talk about the sinful actvities of their members especially if such members are big tithers and offereing contributors." 

This reminds me of what my friend told me last year when he was invited to attend a church service by one of his neighbours. He was surprised that the pastor spent most of the time preaching about money and material blessings.  He said that at one point the pastor was telling the congregation that they should take good care of him and his family because he cannot be poor when the God he serves is a rich God. 

"My fellow Pastors are driving to church while I walk here every Sunday. Why should I walk when I serve a rich God? Why should I live like a beggar when I serve a rich God?"

The Pastor was telling this to poor members of his congregation who over 90% came to that morning's church service either walking or by using public transportation. This pastor uses a school classroom for his Sunday service. I can not avoid to think about what he would do with part of the money meant for building a church if that project was embarked on because already you can see that he wants to own a car. 

His request also brings out another question. Is it the responsibility of the congregation to buy things like cars, houses, pay his children's school fees and so on? There are different views on this matter. Some people believe a pastor should not get rich through the church but through his own hard work like everyone else. Others think there is nothing wrong with the pastor getting rich through his work because he earns it through preaching.

Many pastors today are accused of preaching what is called "Prosperity Gospel". Their sermons have very little to do with salvation but they are full of materialism or "blessings". It is all about money, money, money and wealth. Many pastors who preach about worldly prosperity have massive pay cheques and own many properties and businesses suspected to have been gained through the church.

Of course there are many pastor who have gained their wealth through their own sweat and hard work but there are many more who are taking advantage of their positions to gain wealth. 

The government of Botswana in May declared a pastor from one West Afrcan country a prohibited immigrant after his superiors from his country of origin told the Bostwana government that he was not remitting money to them as required. It is alleged that he was using this money for his personal gain and living a luxurious life. Why some pastors, who are the custodians of the word of God are so easily tempted is beyond imagination. 

Many people who have travelled by bus especially between Lusaka the Copperbelt have seen preachers getting on the bus at the station to preach to passengers sitting inside the bus waiting for the bus to load. While it is not bad to preach the gospel to travellers, it all becomes suspicious when at the end of the short sermon, these preachers start demanding for money or "offerings" from the passengers. Does this money get to the churches that these people belong to if at all they belong to any? Are they just cleverly asking to be paid for preaching? 

It is quite evident that the love of money has infected many pastors and this is what is leading to their downfall. When a person is so obsessed with money, he will not even see the small wrong things that he is doing for him to get that money. Many pastors are not employed or are paid little money which cannot fully sustain them in this hard economy where prices of commodities and services are rising daily. 

Other pastors are power hungry. When they see a fellow pastor doing very well, they will mistakenly think his wealth is coming from the church and they will push their members to the limit in making contributions. This is where some pastors will even bring in projects like building, selling of literature, DVDs and so on. And what would be the best way to get money through a building project than coming up with a proposal to buid a very big church which will take more than two years to finish? 

Unfortunately, after a few years when the buiding does not seem to be moving, the members of that church stop contributing as much as they used to in the building because they become suspicious. Maybe this is what leads to the building project coming to a standstill. 

These greedy pastors must remember that the bible itself does not encourage such people to be leaders in church. 1 Timothy 3:3 tells us that the qualities of a leader must be "not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money."

Image courtesy of stockimages, freedigtalphotos.net

MORE IMAGES FROM NDOLA

8 Ball Pool is a very popular game in the townships. Every Sunday
players from many Clubs play in tournaments like the one above.
These games are mostly played in pubs and are characterised with
a lot of shouting. It is a very different environment from the ones
that we watch on many televised games where the audience only
claps when a player pots. 

October 24 is Zambia's Independence day. After more than 40
years of Independence, many Zambians still remember this day
and they celebrate it in many ways. School children are allowed to
wear national colours on this day. This is probably for the sake of
reminding them to keep the heritage. 

Sunday afternoon, mothers with their children have some fun at
POTECO club. 

Zambia is a nation where many people like football. These
young boys are being drilled by their coach before playing a friendly
game with a visiting team. Many top Zambian players started
their careers in the same way.

This community does not have water taps installed at every house.
People have to get their water from this community tap where they
have to pay a small amount of money which is like a water bill.
However the amount is too little when compared to what people
who have installed taps pay at the end of the month. 

One of my favourite times in Ndola is when there is a big football
match involving the Zambia National Team. the whole city becomes
one huge carnival. In this picture, soccer fans can be seen drinking
and roasting some meat before going to watch the game. 

It is not always that you wake up to good news. These unfortunate
traders woke up to find that their stalls were burn in a fire at night.
Most of these traders sold charcoal, second hand clothes, food,
vegetables and various items.  

The COSAFA Football tournament was this year held in Zambia
and the final was played in Ndola at Levy Mwanawasa Sports
Stadium. Zambia and Zimbabwe played in the final and Zambia
beat Zimbabwe 2-0. Above, the two teams lining up for the
National Anthems of the two nations. Zambia is wearing Orange. 

Summer time adds its own beauty. This is my favourite tree and it 

is found in Dag Hammarskjold Drive. Unfortunately, the yellow

flowers only last for a few weeks before they fall down and then 

replaced by very green leaves. 

6:00 hrs. Another sunrise and an early motorist cruises for work.
Within a few minutes, this road will be crowded with school boys
and girls walking to school, men and women going for their
respective businesses and minibuses ferrying workers into town.

IT'S MY LIFE, I CAN DO ANYTHING WITH IT

                   

Many times we have heard people say "It's my life. I can do whatever I want with it". This is one of the most annoying responses. 

Who the hell doesn't know that it is your life? Yes it is your life but what you're doing with your life may just leave you without a life at all. When people try to correct you on something that they feel you are not doing right, they are not trying to take over your life and start running it on your behalf.

They just don't like seeing you doing what you you are doing with your life because they know what the consequences will be in the end. Everyone has a right to their bodies and they can do whatever they want with them but only a fool will want to harm himself.

Most of the times when people start getting concerned about what you are doing, it is because they like you. If they did not like you I am sure they would just sit back and enjoy the show to self destruction. Sometimes you may just be too dumb to see that what you're doing is useless or harmful and that you need a helping hand. 

Imagine that I have spotted a naked electric cable lying on the ground but when  I see you heading that way, I just watch without warning you. If you stepped on that cable and got injured or died, I am sure people would condemn me for being such a heartless person. If it was possible you might even rise from the dead to haunt me. 

The horn on the vehicle is not there for just making noise or annoying other motorists. Its main purpose is to warn the pedestrians or other road users to "look out" for any possible danger of being knocked down by a car. The mouth is there not just for kissing and eating. With it you can warn others and save their lives. You have probably done that many times before, even shouting "Watch out" to warn someone. Everyone has warned someone at one time even for small things like stepping on a toy.  

Then why do you think when someone is trying to warn you over your lifestyle then that person is trying to interfere with how you live your life? If you live with people, just know that whatever you do will affect them or it will have an impact on them too. 

Many teenagers feel that their parents are trying to run their life on their behalf or that their parents are so involved in their personal lives. They think that parents are just too strict even on simple issues. Yes, many parents are overprotective and it is because they love their children and not because they want to make their children's lives miserable. 

Parents tell their children what to do or how to do things correctly or even choose what type of friends to play with. Although this may feel like total control, remember that they are older and they have some wisdom which you my not have. They have seen and been through some of these things. 

Think about this. Your parents haven been buying and doing things to make you happy from the day that you were born. Do you think if they did not want you to be happy, they would have been doing all these things? So what makes you think that they are here to make your life miserable or hell on earth? 

Some parents can truly be overprotective without leaving you a chance to explore or experience certain things that other teenagers are doing. These parents may be wrong in a way. A baby bird can not learn how to fly if each time it tries to fly its mother would shout "Don't do that, you'll fall down and hurt yourself." 

When a child or a teenager does something wrong, a parent can understand and teach that child what to do next time. I just hate it when an adult is the one that keeps messing up. In the end these people end up looking like idiots when they fail to heed the advice they were given and in the end things go horrinly wrong for them. This is usually the best time to tell them "I told you so."

Many people are facing problems because they did not listen to advice from friends or family and instead chose to follow their own decisions because they thought it was the best solution. We all have moments of regret in our lives. The best we can do is to look back on a choice or decision that was unwisely made and learn from that.

The next time someone tries to give you advice, don't just say "It's my life, let me live it the way I want" because they already know that it is your life. That person may just save the same life that you are bragging about.    


Image courtesy of Teerapun /freedigitalphotos.net

CATS AND DOGS

"All men are dogs, it's just that we own different breeds."

"If all men are dogs, then women are cats! Only cats cover their shit"

"Looking for a right man is very much like looking for the right dog."

"Women are like cats, they do not get along with each other. Why do you think when women are fighting they call it a 'cat fight'?"

These are just a few quotes from the battle of the sexes. Many women compare men to dogs while on the other hand men say women are like cats. There is also a belief by many women that all men are the same. Men are lumped up in one pile and labeled as all being unfaithful and untrustworthy.

At school, I had a female classmate who used to tell us that her mother told her that all men, excluding her father, were dogs. I just hope she did not grown up with that notion embedded deep in her mind because many women who believe that men are dogs usually do not have strong abilities in their relationships to men.

A friend once asked, "Why do women think all men are the same? If all men are the same, why do women take time to choose one instead of just picking anyone at random?" Maybe it is for the same reason why dog owners take time to choose what breed they want to buy. 

I have seen women fighting for a man many times than I have seen men fighting for a woman. Take time and watch the Jerry Springer show and see how women rip off each other's hairdos fighting for a pot bellied drunkard. Is that not proof that men are not the same? If they were all the same, these women would not be fighting over a replicated item which was abundantly available.  

Usually, women who have been disappointed  by men or who have been through a string of bad relationships are the ones who believe that all men are like dogs or that all men are the same. These women must not brainwash the younger generation of the female sex because there are a lot of good men out there. 

Of  course there are some men who the "dog" tag may fit perfectly because of their behaviour. But this does not mean we are all the same. The same applies to women. Not all of them are the same. Some women are even twice crazier than men when it comes to doing the dog like things. 

Women lie. They also steal and cheat. Just the other day, I read about this woman who defiled a 5 year old boy and infected the poor boy with a sexually transmitted disease. The mother of the child attempted to conceal the incident but she was forced to take the child to the hospital after his condition worsened. 

The statistics in regards to sexual assault as well as spousal abuse leans heavily on the men and this seems to be one other reason why men are labeled dogs. One woman wrote "Generally speaking, men kind of suck and when you start to think about it, why do we even care about them at all?"

The answer is simple. A dog is man's best friend and it performs valuable service to humans. The same can be said of men when it comes to doing valuable service to women. Women like men who do things for them. 

Long time ago, dogs were kept by man for hunting and defending. Although not every dog is friendly, there are so many heroic feats achieved by dogs in service to man. 

One such dog was Sergeant Stubby. Stubby is perhaps the only dog or animal to be given an army rank. Stubby was found straying by John Robert Conroy who was undergoing military training. When time came for him to ship for World War 1, he smuggled the dog along with him.

Stubby became one of the many dogs living in trenches in France. With his acute sense of smell and hearing, Stubby would warn the men of poison gas attacks or incoming artillery. He also managed to locate and rescue wounded soldiers and at one time captured a German spy single handed. 

Stubby participated in 17 battles and was awarded several patches and medals which he wore on a coat. Ironically, this coat was made for him by the women of a liberated French town.

Many other dogs have gone down in history for their service to mankind. Barry was a rescue dog in the mountains of Switzerland. One story tells of how Barry discovered a small child on top of an ice ledge and he kept him warm and awake by licking his face while barking loudly. Eventually, the young boy wrapped his arms around the dog's neck and he carried the boy down after the snow became heavy and the rescue men could not climb the steep cliff.  

Togo and Balto were sled dogs assigned to lead a team through Alaska carrying serum for the town. Doctors feared that a diphtheria epidemic could hit the town of Nome. The only available serum was in Anchorage which was almost 1000 miles away. The engine of the only aircraft available was frozen. Officials then decided the serum would be relayed by several teams of sled dogs. 

Togo's team was chosen to carry the serum through the most treacherous part of the route, and ended up travelling almost twice the distance of any of the other teams. Balto's team took the cargo for the last leg of the journey and ultimately delivered the serum. Togo had a statue erected in in his honour in New York's Central Park and both dogs have their remains on display in separate museums.

When a woman tells a man he is like a dog, instead of getting annoyed, maybe that man ought to comfort himself by knowing that a dog is brave, loyal and loved by many people. A dog will come to your rescue and even warn you when intruders are about to break into your house.

Women like keeping pet dogs and the reasons vary. Some of them are that the dog does not talk back and he does not interrupt. Cats have been know to be lazy and hardly do anything helpful in the house apart from eating and sleeping. They only come in handy when there are mice in the house. However, there have been some cats who have also done heroics acts like dogs have done.

In 1996 robbers tried to break in the home of a woman Guylaine Labonte. When they failed to break in, they set a fire to cover their tracks. The woman was unaware because she was sleeping. Her cat named Etoile du Nuit woke the woman. 

Another story is of a cat named Trixie. The Earl of Southampton was locked in the Tower of London for insurrection. The story is that his cat Trixie somehow climbed into his cell and kept him company for two years until he was released. It is even believed that the cat hunted and brought birds to help feed her human friend. 

The truth is that men and women think differently. When watching the news, a man may focus on the contents of the news while a woman is looking at the dress or hairstyle of the newsreader. Man and woman will always have small differences but we are all made to compliment each other. 

We must agree that we are different and we shall never be the same. Even when it comes to handwriting, you can easily tell if the writer was a woman or a man even if the text was written many years ago.

Even with sex, women prefer 30 to 40 minutes of foreplay while men just need 30 to 40 seconds of foreplay. I don't know about cats and dogs.

Image courtesy of magerymajestic / freedigitalphotos.net,

SHE'S PREGNANT AGAIN?

When we experience something bad or if we are caught up in a situation that we feel is not comfortable for us, we usually take note of that situation and what we did that was wrong. From there, we try by all means not to have the misfortune of going through the same experience or making the same mistake. 

George Bernard Shaw, wrote in one of his famous quotes "A life spent making mistakes is not more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."

You may have a terrible or even embarrassing experience which you would want to completely erase from your mind but there is still something that you can learn from there. You can pick up the pieces and examine which ones were the weakest and start all over again. 

The second time you do something, it always reminds you of the last time you did the same thing. If the last experience was not a pleasant one, it is time to stop immediately unless you have learnt a thing or two that you will apply to avoid repeating the same mistake.

I know that we are all humans and we are prone to make mistakes in our own ways.   

How can a sane person become pregnant 3 times by 3 different men without learning any lesson from the first pregnancy? I was shocked to know that one of the young women that I know is pregnant again with a third child. This young woman is not older than 25 years and has not been married before.

The first child made her drop out of school. The father of the child is still anonymous or a well kept secret. Then two or three years later she got pregnant with a second child. The father of this child must have take a cue from the first man and he is also M.I.A.

And now comes the third man. The poor lady could not use some valuable lessons from the previous men but went ahead and had unprotected sex and now she is pregnant again. If the first time was just a mistake, I seriously doubt that can be the case with the other two pregnancies. 

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity. Why do some people repeat their mistakes over and over again? Could it be that what we may see as mistakes, to them it is a normal thing to do? 

Alcohol is blamed for some of the mistakes made by the people who drink beer but in this particular case, this young lady does not drink any alcoholic beverages. She is also a shy person without a lot of friends.

The scariest reality to this story is she does not use any protection at all because if she did, she wouldn't be falling pregnant so easily. We all know the dreaded HIV/AIDS  and what it has done to many families and the fact that this woman can get pregnant so easily just shows that she can also get easily infected. That would be a very sad story because those three children will remain without a mother. 

This thing could just be a vicious circle. The three kids will need to go to school and so far, the first child is not yet in school despite reaching the right age for school. The more pressure she gets to try and educate, feed and buy clothes for her children, the most likely that another man will come along and entice her with a little money and a false promise, and she will be pregnant again.


Image courtesy of africa/ freedigitalphotos.net

AFRICAN PETER PAN FOOTBALL PLAYERS

Peter Pan is a character created by Scottish novelist J.M. Barrie. He is a mischievous boy who can fly and never grows up. Peter Pan spends his never ending childhood on the small island of Neverland. 

Part of the lyrics to the song about Peter Pan goes like this;

I will never grow up, 
Never grow up, never grow up
Not me, Not I, Not me
Never gonna be a man
I won't
Like to see somebody try
And make me 
Anyone who wants to try
And make me turn into a man
Catch me if you can
I won't grow up
I will never grow a mustache ...

With approximately 240 million players all over the globe, football is undoubtedly the number one sport in the world. Huge sums of money have been invested into the sport making it also one of the highest paying careers. Football players are among the world's richest sportsmen and women. Currently, three soccer players, David Becham, Christiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi, have been listed among the top ten richest sportsmen while the world's 20 most valuable football teams are worth an average of $968 million.

However, there is one dent in the sport. Age cheating. Many football players are like Peter Pan. They simply don't want to grow up. Their wish is to be young forever and this has been the reason why there is too much age fraud in football. 

But why do football players lie about their actual age? It may not be every player that has cheated about his age but many of them have falsified their age. 

The BBC reports that the Nigerian Under 17 National Soccer team has lost a number of its members who were to be part of the team at the Under 17 World Cup in the United Arab Emirates due to age fraud. This was after wrist scans showed them to be over the age limit. The players underwent an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imagining) scan to help determine their ages.

It is no secret that African teams are the most notorious when it comes to using overage players in junior championship events. These age scandals have rocked several West African countries mostly Ghana, Nigeria and Senegal in the past few years.

One classical Peter Pan example is that of Cameroon's international football defender Tobie Mimboe who held several documents during the course of his career. These documents indicated that he became younger as time went by. 

In the 1999 FIFA under 17 World Championship, Nigeria beat Japan 9-0. After this, Japan's Manager Phillipe Troussier quipped that he saw one of the Nigeria's under 17 players enter a taxi "with his wife and two children and then driving home" implying that Nigeria had fielded over-age players. 

Ten years before this, the Nigerian youth national teams were banned by FIFA for fielding over-age players in FIFA organised youth tournaments. The birth dates of three players at the 1988 Olympics were different than the ones used by those players at previous tournaments. The ban lasted two years and Nigeria was stripped of its right to host the 1991 FIFA World Youth Championship.

FIFA introduced mandatory use of MRI in 2009 for the FIFA Under 17 World Cup to ascertain whether players are over-age or not. This showed that age cheating in football was becoming a serious concern. 

Every bone in the arm has an end plate from which bones grow. When the growth is completed (usually under the age of 17-18), then this end plate disappears on the MRI scans. MRI is considered to be 99% accurate until the age of 17, after which it becomes harder to calculate a person's age. It is a very good coincidence that FIFA made their competition an Under 17 event.

Democratic Republic of Congo player, Chancel Mbemba was also caught in what I would call an embarrassing age cheating dilemma. He had 4 birthdays and this caused him a lot of problems with FIFA. 

Mbemba was part of the Democratic Republic of Congo's squad for the Africa Cup of Nations but before that, confusion over his date of birth almost put an end to his dreams of a career with a top European club. 

He was registered by his two first Congolese clubs as being born in 1988 yet for a Cup of Nations qualifier in June 2011, his year of birth was listed as November 30, 1991.  Meanwhile, the birth date recorded by his Belgian club Anderlecht was August 8, 1994. As if that was not enough complication already, Mbemba himself, thinks he was born in 1990.

The case of Mbemba can be used as an example of how a lie can ruin a player's career. Giving multiple birth dates can make one look like a fraud or an impersonator until he is fully investigate and the truth found out. 

But why do football players take this risk? There are many reasons. One of the reasons is that the idea of playing professional football in Europe holds the promise of a better life. However, in professional leagues, as a player ages, he is perceived as getting closer to being past his prime and clubs tend to be less willing to invest in him. The age of a player is also important for the buying and selling club as it has implications for their salary and future sell value.

Another reason is that some officials are behind this because they want to field a stronger team in youth tournaments and so they bring in older players with fabricated ages. 

African Historian Peter Alegi once said, "Almost everyone up and down the commodity chain is involved - from coaches and recruiters to family and the players themselves." 

This is absolutely true. These players may not be doing this alone by they are influenced by other people. Football agents are familiar with the player market and they deliberately manipulate it to fit their greedy motives. In short, they upgrade their product by reducing the age of that player. 

These agents and officials do not care about the player's future complications because they are just interested about what happens then and the money. 

One observer noted that the media in Africa also plays a part. They like to create stars in young players before they peak. This causes players who may be older to also reduce their age because they know younger players will attract more market value and attention. This is why some African players have hit international headlines only to suddenly fade away and never be heard of again.

These players are forced to retire earlier because biologically, in some cases, they are between five or seven years older than their football age suggests, and can no longer cope with the physical toll that the game demands of them .

When FIFA established these junior tournaments, the aim was to prepare young players for the major tournaments especially the World Cup. The junior players were expected to learn at an early age the rigours of international tournaments but African teams are destroying this by using over-age players.

Upcoming talented junior players are denied the chance to play at these tournaments because men are taking their places. Hundreds of players who play in junior national teams have never progressed from the potential shown at age group events simply because of the thorny issue of age cheating. 

After Yakubu Ayegbeni scored a hatrick in a EUFA Cup game, Everton manager David Moyes said, "He's only 25, albeit a Nigerian 25, and so if that is his age he's still got a good few years ahead of him." 

Surely, the joke is on us. 

Image courtesy of Naypong, freedigitalphotos.net

WHEN SOMETHING FUNNY HAPPENS BUT YOU CAN'T LAUGH

Some years back, I witnessed something that I felt was funny but not funny at the same time. This happened in a place called Chisekesi in the Southern Province of Zambia, a place located between Monze and Pemba. My friend's father was living in a place called Kanchomba and my friend suggested we go and do some business there for a few weeks.

One man had just bought a new bicycle. His teenage son was so excited he immediately took the new bicycle out for a spin. The bicycle's frames were still covered with paper and plastics. When we saw this boy riding the bicycle still  "wrapped"  in papers, we laughed because it looked funny. We called the young man and told him that those wrappings were supposed to be removed before riding the bicycle, the same way we remove wrapping paper from other utensils before we use them.

The young man removed all the papers and plastics from the frames but little did we know that we had put the young man in serious trouble. When he went back to his father's house, the old man saw what the son had done and he was pissed. He whipped the poor boy with a stick. When we heard what happened, we were very sad.

I tried to think about why the man could be so annoyed over such a small and reasonable action which the boy did. It was so obvious the man was angry because he did not want to remove the wrappings from the frames. He wanted the bicycle to remain wrapped maybe to let people know he was riding a new bicycle whenever he went out with it. 

The whole episode made me realise how sometimes what we think is funny may not be funny at all.

This brings me to a very common but distressing trend in men's fashion. I am sure you have noticed men wearing their jackets with the designer's label still attached on the sleeve.  I was told many years ago that the label was supposed to be removed immediately you purchase the jacket. The reason it is put there is for the purpose of making it easier for the buyer to identity the designer.

When you are browsing for a suit, you will find that they are hang in an ascending order. It is not easy to quickly determine the colour and size, but it is quicker to identify the manufacturer without reaching into the jacket and looking inside for the label. Having a small fabric label held with only two stitches on the visible sleeve will allow you to easily browse without disrupting the display.

It is very common to see many distinguished people at social gatherings shamelessly wearing their jackets with the sleeve label still attached. Because many labels are made of fabric, some people are under the impression that they are part of the suit. Sometimes when I see someone wearing a jacket with the label still attached, I feel the urge to tell them that they are supposed to remove it but the thought of the young man and the bicycle always comes to my mind.

At my parents house, we usually sat together as a family to watch TV after supper. One day, my sister came to visit with her young son. He was about 4 years old but very talkative. On this particular evening, we were watching one of the most popular soaps when there was a commercial break and the advert that came on was for condoms. There was a vigorous campaign going on for condoms during that time because of the rising cases of HIV/AIDS. You can hardly go anywhere without seeing an advert for condoms.

So when this condom advert came on the screen, the whole room became quite. As you know, it is considered taboo by many African families to openly discuss sexual matters. There was my father, my mother, my two sisters, three brothers including myself. As the commercial went on about how safe condoms were and how we must not forget to use them each time we had sex, my little nephew just blurted out, "Who are they showing condoms? Who hasn't seen a condom before?"

No one said anything. We all sat there pretending as we did not hear a thing. It was a classic comedy moment where you expect to hear lots of laughter and applause but none of that happened. One question lingered in my mind, how did this boy know about condoms? Does he just know them because they have been over advertised? I knew that despite his comical comment, the boy knew absolutely nothing about what a condom's actual purpose was and how it was used.

I also remember another incident. This happened at the market place. I was in the company of an older friend and we went to see a certain man at his shop. We found him sitting outside the shop with two other friends. They had some Shake Shake beer which they were drinking from the packets. The owner of the shop was sitting on a chair while his two friends sat on a long rickety bench with tilted legs.

One of the men who was sitting on the bench stood up and gave room for us to sit. I sat at the end of the bench while my partner sat in the middle and the man who was drinking beer sat at the other end. We stayed for a few minutes and even got involved in the hot topic which was being discussed. The man drinking beer on the bench seemed to be the "know-it-all" type and he was the loudest, probably due to the effects of the drink.

When it was time to leave, my partner was the first one to stand up, leaving me and the other man still sitting on the bench. The other man had just put his packet of Shake Shake to his mouth when I decided to stand up from the bench. As soon as I did this, the bench flipped like a see-saw sending the man to the ground with the packet of beer still to his mouth. The contents of the packet splashed the front of his shirt as he comically bounced on the ground. Shake Shake is a messy brew and his shirt was messed up.

The man sat very far at the edge that when I stood up, his weight was too much for the bench. If this was on YouTube, it would attract a considerable number of views because it was funny. It was better than most pranks that I have seen but when it happened, no one laughed. The man was so furious but there was nothing he could do because this was a "certified accident". We only managed to laugh after leaving the place.

Funny moments will always trigger laughter but sometimes the brain warns us not to laugh. No matter how funny something is when the brain tips you not to laugh, just stay quite because you may get hurt. Many people have been beaten up for laughing at what they thought was funny.

One reveller beat up a party-goer after a laugh sparked violence at a club. Shaun Fairweather was beaten after chuckling to himself when Paul Maddison slipped on some stairs as he left a party.

In South Africa, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission heard of how two women were beaten for laughing at bees. Agness Sekoacha and Maria Kgobjoane were walking home when they saw a swarm of bees sitting on the statue of Paul Kruger and started laughing. White men came and asked them what they were laughing at. When Maria told the men that they were laughing at the bees, the men started beating them, tearing their clothes and even arrested them. 

Some researchers believe that laughter is the best medicine. But like any other medicine, before you start laughing always remember that some medicines have side effects. 

SHOULD ONE APPLY MAKE-UP IN PUBLIC?

Makeup is an essential item which every woman who cares about her appearance in public must own. It is considered one of the most important accessories for a woman and I am pretty sure a woman feels vulnerable or exposed when she accidentally leaves home without any makeup or lipstick.

Makeup is also responsible for many women's long periods of dressing up. Many women will agree that it takes them between 15 and 20 minutes to apply makeup and if they have to answer phone call in between, it will take even much longer.  

The routine includes applying liquid foundation, mascara, eye shadow, a second mascara, brush a dab of blush on the cheeks, lip gloss and so on. Then there is the fixing of her hair, choosing what shoes to wear and colour matching everything. 

I am not sure whether the wardrobe comes before makeup but either way, it is one of the reasons why it takes women too long to dress up. She may even go through outfits before settling on one of them. Then comes jewellery and shoes which have to blend with the handbag of the day.

By the time she is ready, you may have finished watching 2 episodes of Everybody Hates Chris. It may be a tremendous hassle but by the time she is ready, you will appreciate her beauty. If you are a married man, do not rush you wife into dressing up because every woman has to look the best she can and your woman is one of them. All the women that you see in the street looking great, they go through a lot of hassle to look the way they do.

However, I have seen some women applying makeup in public places. In the elevator, on the bus, in the cab, or even while walking down the road. I may be wrong but I don't think that it is correct behaviour. One study on women found that more than two thirds of women do this. 

Many women give excuses that there are unavoidable circumstances when you experience a cosmetic mishap and you have no choice but to apply or make touch-ups in public. 

We know that applying makeup is not a top secret or an environmental risk but it is a big no when it comes to doing it in public. 

One etiquette expert joked about it by saying, "To put on all your makeup in public is as bad as eating in the street. Some things should be kept behind closed doors. Makeup should always be used to enhance your features, creating some magic in the transformation. It would seem senseless to reveal your beauty secrets to all and sundry."

Applying a quick coat of lipstick in public is understandable and acceptable. The main reason why women apply makeup is for beauty purposes so how can someone be assured of doing a perfect job on bumpy ride? Some even go to the extent of using shop windows in place of a mirror. 

One thing that I must mention is that many women that I have personally seen applying makeup in public are from a lower class. These women seem not to have enough time to that at home because of the nature of work that they do. Most of them have to report at work as early as 07:00 hours. If you look at how long it takes for a woman to apply makeup and then dress up, it is obvious that these women do not have enough time to do that at home.

But it still remains a mystery why they can not wait until they reach their work places and then sneak into the ladies' room to apply the makeup. After all, many of us who see them in the morning do not even bother to notice if they have any makeup or not. 

There is also the fact that when a woman is applying makeup on any form of transportation, that could lead to mascara going in the eyeball instead of the eyelashes. While the intention was to make you look great, you may end up looking like you have a part in the Living Dead movie.

No matter how beautiful you may be, no one really enjoys seeing a woman applying makeup in public, excuse yourself to the restroom to do it from there.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles, freedigiatlphotos.net

IN THE GRIP OF A SERIAL DATER

Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, Charles Manson and Jack the Ripper all have one thing in common. They were serial killers who committed multiple acts of murder in a seemingly random manner or fashion. Many of us may think these people were insane because what normal person could slaughter another human for sheer pleasure? 

The FBI defines serial murder as:

• A minimum of three to four victims, with a "cooling off" period in between.
• The killer is usually a stranger to the victim - the murders appear unconnected or random
• The murders reflect a need to sadistically dominate the victim
• The murder is rarely "for profit", the motive is psychological, not material
• The victim may have "symbolic" value for the killer, method of killing may reveal this meaning
• Killers often choose victims who are vulnerable (prostitutes, runaways, etc.)

However, the truth is that serial killers are not insane (maybe with a few exceptions) because if they were, they wouldn’t plan their executions so elaborately and very carefully to avoid being detected. Jeffrey Dahmer himself said, "A mind can be evil without being abnormal".

Many studies have been conducted to try and find out the motives or what drives serial killers to commit their crimes. During a child’s development, there is a period in which he learns about love, trust and empathy and also how to interact with other human beings. It is believed that if these traits have not been imprinted upon the child during that period, then that child will find it impossible to learn them later in life.

Another theory attributed to serial killers is neglect and abuse. This includes both physical and sexual abuse and it causes these individuals to grow up without a sense of anyone but themselves. What must be noted is that there are many people who grow up in the above situations but they never turn out to be serial killers. Some grow up to be very respectable and successful people.

When faced with a trial, many serial killers plead “not guilty” and cite insanity as the reason for their actions. This is because the only other acceptable explanation forserial murder is inanity. Some serial killers have been diagnosed by psychologists and psychiatrists as psychopaths, meaning they are compelled to harm other people, enjoy causing fear and they feel no remorse for their actions.

It is not every day that one can run into a serial killer and chances are that you may never run into one in your lifetime. But if you’re a woman, there are chances of you running into a serial dater. Men also are victims of female serial daters but these are very rare.

A serial dater may not rip your heart or bowels out with a knife. He may not strangle you to death or drown you in a tub full of water but he will leave your heart broken and in tatters. 

A serial dater is someone who engages in the process of systematically dating an obscene amount of people in a short span of time. He may pounce on you through internet dating, bar dating, long distance flirtations, phone service dating, blind dating, match making, one night stands, and friends with benefits. In some words, he is what is popularly known as a player and will any opportunity to lure his victims. 

Many times a serial dater will only last a few weeks in a relationship and vanish. If you look at the definition and psychological profile of a serial killer and that of a serial dater, they are actually pretty similar. Their motives are categorized as visionary, mission-oriented, hedonistic and power or control.

Like serial killers, serial daters have their own perceived psychological effects stemming from their childhood. Some are affected by romantic rejections experienced earlier in life or they grew up in a dysfunctional family without experiencing close intimate relationships which they may have longed for. This is said to leave them distrustful of other people.

A serial dater will break up what is perfectly a great and promising relationship.

You may say that's fine with you because the leech has just moved out in time before you fell so deep into him. But what if you found out that you did not use protection and you're pregnant? There is no doubt that you will do anything to trace him and make him share the responsibility of looking after the child. But usually such men leave behind them a string of other women and chances are that they also have a corresponding number of siblings. 

I was watching a video on YouTube where this man has 22 kids from 14 different women. Ironically, he remembers all his kids' names. He brags that he named them all so it was easy for him to remember each child's name. I doubt that it is also easy when it comes to taking care of  their needs. His excuse for having this many kids was that he was young, ambitious and he loved women. 

I also honestly do not think this man's baby mamas did not know that the man was multiple dating. And if they knew, how come they did not use any protection? Maybe they were just competing to see who gets more babies out of him? 

If a serial dater comes back and assumes full responsibility of taking care of the child, you must be very lucky. Serial killers always make sure their victim is dead before leaving the crime scene and they will try by all means not to leave a trail. The serial dater also makes sure that when he leaves, he will never be easily brought to book. He will find another woman or even fall back to one of his stupid earlier victims. This will make you start fighting that woman  until you get to know that she already has 2 kids with him.

It is at this point that you must make an intelligent decision. Should you forget about him and move on or should you stay and finish the fight? This is usually a hard choice because this period is filled with mixed emotions and anger. Many women behave like a pendulum, swinging from side to side, not knowing what is the right thing to do. 

You may try to stay away from him and concentrate on other things but the bills start piling up. Most of your time has been taken up by taking care of the baby, leaving you with less time to work extra hard or maybe even work at all. If the child is sick, staying up at night alone or taking care of medical bills will make you feel  more angry at him. Your imagination will be filled with images of him sleeping comfortably in another woman's arms while you are struggling alone. 

The best alternative when you find out that you are a victim of a serial dater is to just completelty forget about him and stay strong on your own. Something that does not kill you will only make you strong. Consider yourself fortunate that you did not stay in that relationship for a long time or something worse could have happened to you. 

Women who try to hang on and fight to the end usually lose the fight. The serial dater will keep adding more victims to his hit list while you are trying to make him stay with you. Unfortunately, many women use sex as a last option to make him stay but this usually backfires and they find themselves having another child with him.

Serial daters are charmers but they are human too and there is a way of knowing them. If you meet someone and their dating history is not very clear or they do not want to delve into it, then chances are that he or she is a serial dater. Do not completely trust anyone who has dated more than 4 people in the last 2 years. 

Photo courtesy of imagerymajestic freedigitalphotos.net